The Official Organ of the Natty Dread
Thursday's Crew Union Association
April 1996 volume 1 issue 1 35¢
Crew Kickoff Meeting At Flying Tiger
Bar A High Altitude Success! by A. Lounge Lizzard
(Medicine Lake) "We left a rather substantial tab, so we can't return"
said one unidentified crew member. Beware of random acting of ticketing
by the Medicine Lake Police. Parking along the road, in the lot, in fact
any where near the Flying Tiger may (or may not) be illegal. On a
lighter side, Gretchen and Lindy won the open mike contest for a moving
rendition of "Macho Monkey Man." (Entertainment, E-1)
Guest Skipper Signed
(Woodlawn) Coming out of semi-retirement
the four-time Olympic Gold Medalist Bob Lutnicki has agreed to steer the
Dread on Thursday evenings in May. The arrangement gives the Thursday crew
the exclusive rights to the use of Mr. Lutnicki's skills, at least until
he doesn't feel like it anymore. The Crew Union is currently in negotiations
with Mr. Lutnicki for extra Champaign rations and an on board ice maker.
When asked for comment, the chairman of the ratings committee said "we
may have to review the Dread's handicap in light of this deal." (continued
Sailor's Mission Sold
The downtown site of the Saga Hill sailors
Mission was sold Sunday for an undisclosed sum. "The bar tab at The
Golden Dragon was becoming too much of a burden" the owners were heard
to complain. That leaves only the original Saga Hill site and the recently
opened Woodland campus. (Real Estate, R-5)
DNR: No More Pee-Pee
Disgusted with the color and odor of the
Minnehaha Falls, the DNR has banned urination in Lake Minnetonka. "This
practice has had disastrous effects on the whole lower Mississippi basin."
Accelerated rates of corrosion had been noted on barges below Lock &
(see "Yellow River," page A-7).
Vallet Parking comes
While a clause in the crew union contract
still permits Dreadites to park in the turnaround during races, others may
want ... (see "Parking," page 99)
Burke Abducted by Water
(Plymouth) Police still have no clues as
to her whereabouts. Said to have wanted to project a "kinder gentler
image," Ms. Burke, also know as "Sarge" had initially agreed
to attend water color school on a voluntary basis. But members of the Winslow
Homer Society convinced her it would be a artistic waste not to develop
her talents. "They had me @#$%^&* chained to the easel" Ms.
Burke had been overheard to complain. Then, when she didn't show up for
her regularly scheduled performance at Bondage a Go-Go, the worse was feared.
The ransom note, which looks suspiciously like Sarge's own handwriting,
calls for "all the Diet Coke I can drink... I mean that the W.H.S.
can drink." (see Society S-72)
POSTMASTER: forwarding address requested (these folks owe us money!)