Terms of Service (TOS)

This article so disturbed me, I decided to apply the follow TOS to my site as a tribute to the senseless stooges who run our government by making you a criminal.
http://yro.slashdot.org/story/11/11/15/1821238/doj-violating-a-sites-tos-is-a-crime

You are hereby notified you may not access this site under penalty of law. If anyone should at anytime, access this site in ways that might displease me, either now or at any future time, then they are retroactively BANNED and must cease all use, downloads, and connections (even those that may have been completed in the past), and deny any knowledge of this site. Should these TOS be violated, the sole and express remedy shall be the prompt deliver of their first born child, left leg, one freshly bottled imperial ounce of Pepsi Crystal, and a working Eniac computer with a 10 year supply of vacuum tubes to my home.